Tough News: Luke's growth is cancerous

I received a call from the vet this afternoon and Luke's growth is (was) cancerous. It is a neurofibrosarcoma and I'm heartbroken.

I was really hoping to get a chipper call that confirmed a clean bill of health but that didn't come. As soon as I heard the vet's voice on the other end, I knew I wasn't going to get good news.

I have to take Luke to a cancer center on Tuesday to talk about next steps. Of course I've looked up this type of cancer and it's apparently locally aggressive, meaning it doesn't really spread, but it's also very difficult to get through surgery. Think of tree roots that implant themselves and make it difficult to get all of them out.

The vet that did Luke's surgery is optimistic since we got it so early, because of his age and because of this specialist she is sending us to. Still, it's difficult to look this stuff up and see things like a three-year survival rate being optimistic.

Worst of all is the idea of separating him and Leia. They are littermates and have been together their whole lives. In fact, they were inseparable since birth. Like I said, I am heartbroken.

I'm not sure exactly where to go from here. I'd like to start by halting all the crying I've been doing, but I can't seem to get the tears to stop. I love these kitties so much and thought for sure I'd have them to a ripe, old age.

I know I'm jumping to conclusions, but I just can't seem to snap out of it. I just want my furry baby to be okay.

Please say some prayers for us ... particularly for me getting through the next six days to Luke's appointment. I know it is going to be an anxiety-filled week.

30 weeks? Holy crap.

Yes, 30 weeks. I am 30 weeks along with this little man. How is that possible?

With everything going on in my life during this pregnancy, it has flown by at a rapid rate. With Abby, I felt like it took for-e-ver (Sandlot quote). Now I'm in disbelief that we will be a family of four (humans ... two kitties) in two months.

I'm officially developing that concern that Abby is going to be sad once the baby comes. I know that she will be loved and jealousy is normal and yada yada. But (perhaps it's hormones or just Mommy-ness) I can't help but feel sad that she may feel rejected.

I'm definitely enjoying this time with her, though! Even though she gets into crazy-mode (I'm assuming because she's currently cutting four teeth). I really think these times are preparing me for the teenage years. The child can go off on a dime.

Examples:

• She currently enjoys fastening the buckles on her high chair (while she's not in it). Because of that, she threw a big-time fit when I tried to put her in the high chair to eat.
  
• She needs to have three pacifiers ("thats") at all times. She will walk up to the dish drying rack and whine and scream until we give her three: one for her mouth and one for each hand.
  
• We are terrible parents if we attempt to dance.
  
• Sometimes we are allowed to sing. Other times we are terrible parents if we attempt to sing. I personally think Tom and I have splendid voices.
  
• She loves being the center of attention, but don't try to pose with her on your lap. She runs. And screams. And fights.

These are just a handful of examples. Eighteen months going on 13?

Our Sitcom (and Michigan over Penn State)

Michigan played at Penn State this afternoon. It's a big game because they could win a share of the Big Ten Title if Ohio State wins later today.

I watched the first half while Abby napped. When she woke up she was in defiant mode. Finally, she just booked it up the stairs while I was watching the game and I was forced to follow. I let her in our bedroom and we ended up "watching" the rest of the game from our bed.

Both cats followed us into the bedroom and Leia wouldn't sit still on the bed. Every time Leia got close to Abby, she would yell.

Leia would sniff.

Abby: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Leia would draw back.

Abby: "CAT!"

Leia would sniff.

Abby: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Repeat approximately 10-15 times.

I'm lucky I got to see the final seconds of the game when Michigan took the win!

"Big girl" bed?

With Little Man on his way, we have the quandary of where he will sleep.

Our hope is that Abby will move on to a "big girl" bed and he can have her crib.

Not exactly sure how that is going to go. She's a great sleeper and seems to sleep like her mother: as though she's in a coma. But it's the going-to-sleep process that has me wondering.

Currently, we have a great bedtime routine. She gets a bath, we read books and she goes into the crib awake. She has no issue falling asleep on her own.

Prior to falling asleep, however, she DJs in her crib.

She has a Twinkle, Twinkle Violet. We turn on the music after we lay her down in the crib. It says, "10 minute of lullabies."

Once we leave the room, it takes maybe one minute before she starts pushing the different buttons. The one on the bottom is nighttime music, but there is also a general music button.

She pushes this button over and over again. It starts out LOUDLY singing, "NAPTIME'S HERE, MY EYES THEY CLOSE ..." We end up hearing, "NAPTIME'S HEEER- NAPTIME'S HERE, MY- NAPTIME'S HEEERE ..."

In addition to that, she makes sure she pushes the buttons on her music box (aka mobile until we took the mobile part off of it). That includes music by Bach, Beethoven and Mozart. Typically, Abby selects Mozart.

So we end up hearing the lyrics of Violet over the infamous Mozart. This is all well and good in her crib. But what are we to expect when she could potentially get out of her bed to unwind? What exactly will our child get into?

I'm very ready for the "big girl" bed, but it terrifies me at the same time.

What does this say about my child?

Since she has been old enough to understand (probably around a year), Abby has not been pleased when it comes to sharing her toys. And when I say "not pleased" I mean a pee-pee dance, stomping, screaming fit.

Now, I understand that Abby doesn't have the capacity to understand sharing at this point (Lord knows Mayim Bialik would have something to say about this post), but her behavior is enough to evoke these looks:

"The Look"

And when I say she evokes these looks, it's the toddlers she's with that give her those looks as if to say, "Dude, what is your problem?"

Last week, I took Abby to a friend's house to play. Obviously, this means that all of the toys in that house did not belong to her. This is where it was particularly troubling. She suddenly became possessive over toys that weren't hers.

She kept trying to give me a stuffed bear that belonged to the other little girl. Whenever the other little girl would reclaim the bear (that belonged to this girl), Abby would pitch a pee-pee dance, stomping, screaming fit.

Now, I am pretty sure she pitched the fit because she considered this bear to be a special gift to her Mama, but it did evoke "the look" from the other little girl (see photo above).

Tonight was even more extreme.

A different little girl came over and was playing with Abby's toys. Abby was not pleased with this. She literally attempted to retrieve every single toy the other little girl was playing with to give to me so I could "protect" them. Every. Single. Toy.

Again, this evoked "the look" from the other little girl (see photo above).

In both cases, the little girls Abby was playing with also opted to placate her.

The looks they had on their faces were along the lines of, "Wow. This girl is really, really upset. It's not worth it to me, here you go. Take the Elmo that you never play with."

Yes, I know Abby doesn't understand sharing yet, but if we continue along this route, we are going to have to seriously intervene.

I suppose we could take the Mayim Bialik approach, but I don't know how many friends Abby would be able to make in the midst of that process.

Eating = Licking?

Abby emphatically went to the fridge saying, "THIS! THIS!"

Obviously, "this" left me zero clues as to what she actually wanted. I kept running down the list to see if I could give her what she wanted.

Finally I said, "Would you like an apple?"

Yes, Abby says.

"Apple. Apple."

Okay, great. So I cut up the apple into smaller slices and give her one. I cut the rest up and put on a plate. I'll eat most of them.

I sit down on the couch and see that Abby is now playing with her books and has put the apple slice on the floor.

She then walks over to me and starts grabbing the slices off the plate, one-by-one. She licks each one, then places it carefully back on the plate.

Apparently, actually eating the apple wasn't in her plans.

Foresight

Well, we have foresight into our future thanks to a couple incidents this weekend.

First, I was concerned that Abby would be uneasy being dropped off at the church "daycare" while I went to service. She has been reluctant to leave us lately or tends to cry when we leave. Instead of my concerns coming to fruition, she saw the toys and kids in the daycare and never looked back. So much for our clingy child.

Second, I was less concerned that Abby would be overly jealous of her new sibling that will arrive sometime in June. Yesterday we were visiting a friend's three-week old and I was holding her. The dog then barked, startling Abby. She wanted to sit on my lap for comfort ... but I was holding the baby.

She tried to yank the baby off my lap by the foot.

I can see I'll need to be a tad more concerned about Abby come June.