Nature vs. Nurture: My Perspective Post-Kids

I have always been interested in psychology. I fell just two classes short of a psych minor in college because I took so many classes out of a pure desire to learn. So it isn't a surprise that, prior to having kids of my own, I assumed the majority of a child's personality is formed from parental and cultural influence.

Now that I have an almost-five-year-old daughter, three-year-old son and seven-month-old daughter, however, I have changed my tune.

Allow me to explain.

Being Beautiful

Abby's future plans include butterfly mascara.

Any young girl knows the societal pressures of being beautiful. The last thing I want for either of my daughters is to be consumed with physical appearances to the point of ignoring the awesome young ladies they become. I am cognizant that I am not only telling Abby she is beautiful inside and out, but that she is smart and funny, too. That didn't stop her from discovering the beauty gene, however.

I wasn't sure Abby would be a "girlie girl" considering she wore Toy Story t-shirts for her entire third year of life, but she is evolving. Now she's taken it to another level. 

1. She started wearing her play high heels around the house and wanted to wear them to school, so I bought her Mary Jane's.
2. She threw an epic tantrum because we wanted her to wear bicycle shorts under her dress for a park visit. She insisted that her dress "wouldn't be beautiful" if she wore shorts under it. It was at this point that Tom and I realized something had shifted in the Abby matrix.
3. Most recently, we were sitting in the living room watching TV as a family and a make-up commercial came on. We were half paying attention to it, but Abby chimes in once it's over and -- with total seriousness -- asks, "Dad? When I grow up, can I get butterfly mascara?"

A Love for the Ladies

Jack has taught me that attraction is ingrained at birth. He has also taught me that he is a boob guy.

Beginning at the tender age of two, Jack has shown his love for this particular feature. He has also shown that he is 100-percent willing to cross any social barriers and make himself welcome on a woman's lap.

1. Over the holidays, Jack -- who stopped taking naps awhile back -- perched himself on a family friend's lap and rested his head on her chest. He then proceeded to fall asleep in the midst of a crowded party. I guess he was in his happy place.
2. At a Rodan+Fields party I hosted in April, I hosted a handful of women who were "blessed" in this area. Jack welcomed each lady as she entered the party, immediately offered a hug and then followed each to her seat where he sat on her lap. He moved on to welcome each new woman as she arrived, not discriminating.
3. At a Tigers game in early July, Jack spotted my cousin's daughter two rows up. He was already smitten with her after a graduation party a couple weeks prior, and quickly moved to her lap. What blew me away was when the crowd volume rose to a deafening roar and he just sat there, gazing at Marisa. Jack is so sensitive to sound that I purchased hunting earphones for him to block out noise at the dinosaur exhibit at the zoo. Well. Apparently the right woman can neutralize his senses.

I truly wonder if this fearlessness will carry over into adolescence and adulthood. If it does, this child -- incredibly charming -- will have no shortage of female suiters. Tom and I also predict that his sisters will avoid bringing friends to the house.

Social Butterfly

It's difficult to tell much about the baby at this point, but I will say that she is our most social child. At just seven months, she has made it clear that she is a people person. If she has the attention of others, she's happy. If she doesn't, she's mad. Not sad, but mad. 

I predict she will be the most extroverted of the three. Lord help us.

This whole nature vs. nurture thing is fascinating. There are traits my kids were born with, but they are also sponges. There are things I know I never told them, but they manage to pick them up. Butterfly mascara, Abby? Really? I don't wear make-up (aside from Rodan+Fields peptides, of course), so why does she care about make-up so much?

I (clearly) sell Rodan+Fields and talk to Abby about it, but not Jack. So imagine my surprise (and delight) when he said to one of his teachers last week as she was putting on his sunscreen, "This isn't my sunscreen, it's my 'fine line potion.'" 

Moral of the story: don't discredit advertising. It clearly works.

Did I mention I sell Rodan+Fields?

My Big Friday Accomplishments

Sometimes it's the little things.

Today, I had a few minor accomplishments that seemed monumental in my own mind. Let's begin with the first one of my day.

1. Extra coffee goes a long way

Ain't that the truth?

Okay, hear me out. I know this sounds obvious.

Every morning, my amazing husband makes me coffee that I take with me on my drive to the kids' school. Recently, that drive has been excruciating. No matter how fast I gulp down the coffee, I am yawning and feel like the dead for the entire 25-minute drive.

This morning, I decided to change my strategy and I started drinking my coffee while getting ready to leave. By the time I walked out the door, I had made myself a second coffee for the car. It worked. I was alert (or at least not yawning the entire time) for the car ride!

Yes, this should have been figured out a long time ago, but let's just focus on the fact that I did figure it out. I'm so excited that I'm going to stay up extra late tonight.

2. I found the perfect (cheap) gift for Abby

It's one thing to find an awesome item for your child. It's another thing to find an awesome item that costs less than $10. When you find a cheap item that your child loves, you know it's because you found the perfect thing and not because you bought an expensive toy.

Abby has been in a beauty phase. She wants to wear non-character dresses, heels, and make-up. I have no idea where she got it from, but we are all girl all the time. When I was in Target yesterday (God help me), I saw a $5 Barbie lip gloss palette made to look like an iPhone. Each button was a different lip gloss and it came with a brush for application.

I gave it to her and this girl has carried it with her for the past 36 hours. She's giving anyone and everyone lip gloss.

Two lessons: it doesn't take a lot of money to please your child, and, I'm awesome.

3. My exercise is paying off ... sort of

"C'mon Chrissie," said Tony.
"Work out with me."

My second daughter is six-and-a-half months old and I've been fighting my body to regain my svelte figure. It's a battle. Between stress, exhaustion, and love of food and beer, I'm yo-yoing in a painful way.

This past week I decided enough was enough and I cut out the beer and have exercised every day. I've continued running, did a few P90X workouts, and wove in some Pilates DVDs. My muscles are sore.

I received a few compliments today that I look great and am getting rid of that baby weight. I'm flattered and excited. Only problem is that the scale isn't budging. I'm guessing it's because of muscle fatigue and water retention and all that good stuff.

Here's hoping.

These small accomplishments aren't much, I know, but I found myself beaming. It may be lame, but it's the little things with me right now. Hopefully I can one-up my "major" achievements tomorrow.

Must You Interrupt My Major Life Lesson?

I was reading an article online today about parents teaching their children to respect differences. We should not only teach our kids to see beyond physical differences, it said, but we should make sure they ask questions behind closed doors out of respect. I logged this bit of information and went about my day.

Fast forward to bedtime and I was reading Abby a book entitled, "What Mommies/Daddies Do Best." It's a book that has identical text for both mommies and daddies. "Mommies can teach you how to ride a bicycle; have a picnic with you, etc." Then, "Daddies can teach you how to ride a bicycle; have a picnic with you, etc." Each mommy, daddy, and child is depicted by an animal. There are hippos riding bikes, porcupines going through a bedtime routine, blah blah.

Anyway, we have read this book a few times over the past week and, each time, Abby points to the (very large) hippo mommy on a bicycle on the first page and says, "That doesn't look like a mommy." Earlier in the week, I just brushed this off and didn't respond. Tonight, however, I was armed with having read that blog earlier in the day.

It was time to teach a life lesson.

When Abby pointed to the hippo and stated, "That doesn't look like a mommy," I replied, "Sure it does. Mommies all look different right?"

I was so proud of myself. I mean, I'm passing along major life lessons here. I'm being the mom I'm supposed to be. The next time we see someone in public who looks different, I think, Abby will know that it's okay to look different.

My inflated mommy ego was short-lived, however, when she looked at Evie and started stroking her Pebbles-esque ponytail and said, "Evie's hair is soft!"

Maybe she didn't hear me. There was a lot going on in the room at the time. I wanted to make absolute sure she heard me, though, because this was a big-time life lesson. I needed her to understand that she shouldn't believe mommies to look all one way -- they all look different.

So I reiterated, "Mommies come in all different shapes and sizes, right? Not all mommies look the same."

What does she do next? Points to that same hippo on that same bike and says, "That doesn't look like a mommy."

I sigh heavily and say -- knowing she would have no idea what I was talking about -- "way to buy into the stereotype."

Moving along to the daddy side of the book, she pointed out yet another animal and declared that it "didn't look like a daddy." At this point, I'm completely beyond attempting to teach anything. Clearly she is not in the right state of mind to learn how the world works. I blow off her comment.

We got to the end of the book and there was another picture of the same daddy/child pair, but in a different position. She says, "Now it looks like a daddy." I asked why. "Look at his shirt!"

I quit. Consider me destined to be embarrassed in public when my kid points out that someone doesn't look right.

Forbes: Living The Dream, Self-Made Women Edition

I read Lean In. I loved it. It's a subtle yet forceful message that women need to do a better job of standing up for themselves because if they don't, nothing is going to change.

Mentioning Sheryl Sandburg, I also need to mention that I am heartbroken for her following the recent loss of her husband. I can't imagine the pain she is experiencing right now. She is a phenomenal woman who has stood up for those who are not using their voices loud enough and she's encouraging women to do more in the business world.

I am a new entrepreneur who is currently looking for a part-time job to provide for my family as I continue along the path toward my dreams. Women like Sheryl encourage me to continue on, and articles like the one Forbes published today encourage me even more.

Sex Sells

This is a culture in which sex sells, and there are a lot of women who use that to their advantage. Yes, it's playing the game, but it's an insecure path to take. I love that strong, intelligent women are moving to the forefront and representing the path of most resistance.

I may be a pain in the ass who talks too much and creates too many waves, but I haven't let anyone change me. I am going to succeed, damn it. And I'm going to do it my way.

Aligning with the Right People

As I work my PR business with my best friend, Tara, I love the fact that my side business, Rodan+Fields, is the baby of two other strong women, Dr. Katie Rodan and Dr. Kathy Fields. They have a business opportunity video in which they introduce each other as best friends and business partners.

Not only is this company I'm representing headed up by amazing businesswomen, they, too, are best friends. I must be on the right path.

Funny Ladies

Throughout history, there are the funny women who are legitimately talented in the world of show business and have the ability to be self-deprecating in the most amazing ways. Back in the day it was Lucille Ball and Betty White, who is still going strong.

Now it's Melissa McCarthy, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer, Patricia Arquette. I absolutely love this skit from Amy Schumer's show!

Warning, the 'F' word is used a lot!

So, while I would love to keep writing about this topic of strong women, I currently have a future strong woman on my lap. She's five months old today and is not about to be left in a baby swing.

Per Sheryl Sandburg, I will continue managing my business and being a mom as I plan to take over the world and set the best possible example for my two daughters and -- even more importantly -- my son.

It's Friday. Do a Little Something for Yourself

It's Friday. You're ready for the weekend. You're supposed to be working, but instead you're browsing Facebook, hopping from one person's post to the next. Before you know it, you're looking at photos of a high school classmate from three Christmases ago and stalking someone you haven't spoken to in years to see if he's found another girlfriend.

Don't lie.

Since you're more than likely engrossed in a state of being unproductive, I'm going to pounce on your inner desire to pamper yourself.

Enter my world of Rodan+Fields ...

Price

Let's just get this out of the way now. You don't want to buy because it's expensive. I get it. It is expensive. But there is a huge difference between buying something expensive that gives you zero benefit and buying something expensive that does what it says it's going to do.

Read on.

You may decide to take the plunge and purchase something from me. Let's say you're part of the less than 1-percent that wants to return your product for one reason or another. The great thing is, you can return it. You can use every drop of every bit of product in every bottle and get all of your money back within 60 days. These kick ass doctors believe in their product that much. So you're really not risking anything.

What Have You Done for Yourself Lately?

It's a matter of luxury, not necessity. You're not buying something you need you're buying something you want. My job is to convince you that you want it. And you want it. Trust me.

The same way you want a beautiful, expensive purse, or a nice pair of shoes, you want Rodan+Fields skincare ... and it will leave your skin feeling beautiful and light.

There's No Quick Fix ... But Maybe There is ...

If someone was selling you a product that would give you the body you've always wanted in 60 days or less, you'd pounce on it.

For that same reason, if you're an adult who has struggled with acne or red skin forever and nothing has worked, try this. You have nothing to lose. And it's worked for people!

Here is a photo of my aunt who has struggled with Rosacea throughout her life. Nothing worked ... until this.

 

In Conclusion ...

So, the moral of the story is: it may be a little on the pricey side, but there's no risk, you deserve it, and it may be the answer you've been looking for.

Your skin is like your sex life: if it's great, it ain't no thang. You don't even think about it. If it sucks, it consumes you. You hate it. It's all you think about.

 So give in to that temptation and do a little something for yourself why don't ya?

Name that Parent: Who Do Our Kids Take After?

First comes love, then comes marriage, then come the babies and the two of you spend the rest of your lives debating who they take after.

Husbands and wives love to say, "she gets that from me," or, "he's your son." I'm never sure if we do that out of pride -- good or bad traits -- or fear.

So, let's take a look at my kids and their awesome traits and see who Tom and I think they take after. Tom is actually in the room, so I'm going to poll him LIVE.

Hold on to your butts (name the movie).

The Tyrant

Pretty much.

Abby is a tad ... bossy. And I know I'm not supposed to use the word bossy because feminism and equal opportunity workplace yada yada. But. She is.

We went to my best friend's house for Memorial Day. She has a three-year-old daughter who is also, shall I say, headstrong. The two of them could not play together. They were offending each other left and right. It was like one of those chess matches where the two players are so good no one makes a move because they are anticipating each others moves.

Where does she get that quality?

I say: Me. Yes, it's true. This is the reason I am not someone everyone loves. I want to be in control and that offends more people than I probably realize. I'm going to try and help Abby not offend as many people as I do on a daily basis.

Tom: You. Because you're a thick-headed numbskull.

The Sensy

NO SOUNDS.

Jack has been described as "all boy," which essentially means he is more than happy injuring himself and others. I'm not sure what it means beyond that.

On the flip side, he is also incredibly sensitive to sound (hates horns), touch (hates pants), and Abby (does whatever she wants).

Where does he get that quality?

I say: Neither. I think Jack is a unique bird. His sensitivity comes from Tom. Although, his willingness to do what Abby wants in order to keep her from going nuts may also come from Tom. And I respect that.

Tom: Has no answer because he is engrossed in watching The Bachelor. And apparently me bossing him around to get an answer is not effective.

The Thoughtful One

On to the attractive qualities. Abby is incredibly thoughtful. As much as she can be a huge pain (and I say that with love), she truly loves to see others happy. If we need something, she will help us. Though, there are times we will ask, "Can you do me a favor?" and she'll say, "No. I don't want to."

Where does she get her thoughtful quality?

I say: She gets it from both sides. The fact that she likes to mother her siblings comes from me without a doubt. Thinking of others in terms of special gifts comes from Tom. In other words, we're both incredible.

Tom: Both of us. Because we both offer different qualities that we learn from.

And just like that ... WE WOULD WIN THE NEWLYWED GAME.

The Entertainer

Jack is hysterical. He's strange, I will admit. But he's beyond funny. If you would like some examples, visit the things my kids say page.

Where does that sense of humor come from?

I say: Me. Because I'm hilarious. Duh.

Tom: I don't know. He's his own. I think we allow him to establish who he is.

And now I'm petty. Oh, well.

I will admit, he is a brand all his own. And I love how he rocks it. Both of our "big kids" are pretty kick ass.

Not actually my kid.

That brings me to ... the baby.

Who does she remind us of to date?

I say: Me. Because she conveys her opinion with her eyebrows.

Tom: I don't know. I can't wait to find out. I think she's going to be her own soul. The fact that she just smiles at everything from the jump.

And once again. I'm petty. Do we see why Tom married me? Clearly I'm quite a catch.

Yep. I won the wallet.

It's amazing what a little swag can do for your self esteem.

I am so unbelievably excited to earn this damn wallet. Yes, a wallet. It's really nothing overly fancy, but it's something I did all by myself. By selling. Me. A salesperson.

I didn't really think I would be cut out for sales, but it turns out I could sell sand in a desert. All it takes, for me, is truly believing in something. Then look out, world.

I started this blog because I wanted to tell stories about my kids. I still want to tell stories about my kids, but I'm finding now that I also want to tell stories about my life and about my business. I ventured out on my own over a year ago and am still wading through the murky waters of entrepreneurism. I am enjoying working with companies and professional athletes, but I have also found hope in a jar (or a tube?) in the form of Rodan+Fields.

This business is something I am absolutely loving, which was completely unexpected. But it's social media marketing and sales -- something I went to school for.

It's also fun to hear my daughter ask if I'm having a "skincare party" and to see her show off the products to my guests. It's becoming a family business in which my kids know the lingo, and that's actually quite satisfying.

Yes, kiddos, your mama hustles lotion. But it's paying the bills.

I DID IT! I have earned this Kate Spade wallet through my Rodan+Fields sales! I am SO EXCITED about this, you have no...
Posted by Chrissie Wywrot on Wednesday, May 20, 2015